“I told you it was bad.” “Yeh but it’s okay. I don’t mind being here, staying with you.” Laura picked up the pitcher of iced tea from the nightstand and freshened his glass. “I can get more ice and lemon wedges if you want, you need to stay hydrated, that’s what the doctor said.” She handed … Continue reading
A young girl in fishnet stockings walked by, as in too young for us. Not particularly exotic looking- maybe Italian, could be Jewish. Sometimes you can’t tell. I raised my eyebrows and looked at old Jack, then indicated the girl. “No, I like a shiksa,” he said. “Well, she may be a shiksa.” “No, I mean a pure shiksa.” “Oh, … Continue reading
That lady that power walks with her three dogs yells at them too much. That’s mean. I see her not only walking past my house, but when I’m out and about in other areas of town. She covers a distance! Walking head high with fists up and chest out, her stride is regimented and precise. … Continue reading
They’d been together for a while and though Betsy felt they got along well enough, she couldn’t put her finger on why she still felt so empty. Was it the carefree way they drove down the road and he sang those lame top forty songs at the top of his lungs? Or maybe how when … Continue reading
I’ve looked at you and agonized for days. I really just need to get away from here. You’re so beautiful, yet infinitely frustrating. And you SUCK all the life from me. I’m deflated. Do I have to do everything for you? I mean I’ve spent every waking second and minute and hour of my day … Continue reading
This morning at dusk while outside watering her prize heirloom roses, Mrs. Sullivan reports walking into a cloud of bats. Did you know that’s what it’s called, a cloud? We here at Homeless News had to look it up. She says she innocently turned a corner and a single bat swooped low in front of her. … Continue reading
Dear Bitsy, Your behavior last night was abhorrent. You hit a few too many Cosmopolitans there eh girl? How many times have I told you you can’t hold your liquor like you used to? Those days are gone Bitsy. Your rambling diatribes about the “state of things” nowadays were not only misinformed and naïve, but … Continue reading
6:33am I can’t help but think of you. As the light starts to leak over the wide mountain ridge. As the day from its slumber begins. There are thick black clouds overhead but they”ll burn off, they say. Winter looms in all its glory around the bend, but birds still tweet. Resilience. You must be … Continue reading
Momma was in the kitchen and Katie sat on the sofa across from me, relieved to have completed the long and arduous drive down the interstate from DC, what with all those eighteen-wheelers and the holiday traffic from too many states to count. She’d been nervous about meeting the family, but she and Momma seemed to … Continue reading
We’re on the air viewers though we’ve been remiss. We’re operating on a shoe string budget as our Fund Drive yielded mostly cans of vegetarian beans. That in lieu of money, but we’re not frettin! Our next Fund Drive starts, uh now, so send what you got! You’re the ones keeping us on the air, … Continue reading
Hector felt like he was getting bedsores. But just turning over was a huge chore, exhausting. And he was in the hospital anyway, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do there? Stay in your bed trying to sleep it off, while a worker comes in periodically and takes your blood, another comes in and checks … Continue reading
I am unwell. And crazy too. Well crazy in the best sense mostly, but to say insane would be a stretch. Well there’s not an appropriate word to describe it really. I should make up my own. Who says I can’t? The situation is I’m too sane. I’ve a discernment that’s more than it should … Continue reading
She walked over with my gin & tonic. She was in way too skimpy an outfit. I put five dollars on the table and looked at her with what I hoped was an appealing expression. “You keep the change, I know you work hard. ” She put down a cocktail napkin and my drink and … Continue reading
I see them every Sunday Those fine people going to church Dressed like they mean it Sauntering down the street Arms swinging Heads held high Going to the holy land Fine people Going to church. I have a random memory of being a small child and sweeping the driveway. My dad looked over my shoulder. … Continue reading
I enjoy silly string more than the average person. I laughed when Anderson Cooper got scared by the fake Bigfoot. The lady in the library’s smug for some reason. They’re mowing down trees and building roads and putting up stores and the weather’s nice and there’s lots of activity all around. I had giggles yesterday when … Continue reading
First appeared in the The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature It’s a common thing around here. Family cemeteries in people’s backyards or somewhere on their land. On land that’s been passed down from generation to generation. There are currently laws on the books protecting this sacred land from development. Would you want to build a … Continue reading
The garbagemen aren’t bad people. Neither are the ones who work behind the pharmacy counter. Nor the guy you said was going too slow on that downtown street where the speed limit’s twenty-five. I think he was going thirty. And watching for pedestrians. Yelling out the window did nothing by the way but it did grate … Continue reading
Around 6am I went to the grocery store to use the Coinstar as I’m known to do and it was out of order. I jokingly and with feigned indignation dropped my tupperware of coins on the counter in front of the ready cashier and told her to “start counting”. Being the little darling that she … Continue reading
“I’m really mad at you, don’t you feel bad about that?” The waiter took away her menu. She ordered the moussaka, here where she says it reminds her the most of the moussaka her grandma used to make when she was growing up, the most “authentic” is how she put it, closest to real “old … Continue reading
This just in: Arthur Delaney of the Huffington Post reports that the U.S. Labor Department announced that “the economy has been steadily adding jobs, pushing the unemployment rate down to 7.5 percent from 7.6 percent.” Mr. Delaney adds, “The improvement won’t mean much to people without jobs, especially people who’ve been unemployed a long time.” … Continue reading
“You use humor as a defense mechanism,” she said. “No, actually I use it offensively.” The cashier asked for and scanned his Shrewd Shopper Discount Card. “The pizza’s two-for-one Sir.” “How so?” She was caught off-guard, eyebrows raised, hands on hips. “Well, you tell me. Who here’s on defense?”
So it’s nice but it’s creepy that I can see the google search engine terms that people type that land them on my blog. The things people are looking for! By far the most popular all-time search terms (in a variety of syntax) have to do with Adrienne Barbeau’s rack. Seriously. There are a lot … Continue reading
Going on. Blah blah. There I’ve said it. Yippity-yap. Well I’ve said it many times before. I don’t mind listening. As a matter of fact I rather enjoy it. I find people likable and interesting enough. There’s a lot of talking on the TV and on the radio and on computers and gadgets, in grocery … Continue reading
Happy birthday It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you Over twenty years at least I remember the last time like it was yesterday But that’s not what I remember most I remember the day I forgave you For all the years of conflict and strife And for being a target Of your ignorance … Continue reading
He pushed the shovel down in the dirt and turned it over. This was gonna be easy. The morning was brisk and the sky was blue and no doubt it was gonna warm up quick. He moved swiftly, thinking about the cash that would be leaving with him. He sang a little bit of that Paint … Continue reading
“No I work two other part-time jobs too- one of them cleaning houses and the other picking up people’s garbage.” “Oh so like you’re a garbage woman? You ride around on the back of a truck for the county or something? In a uniform?” “No no, on my own- I have a few that I … Continue reading
Brenda has lived out in the county for over twenty years. Her ex-husband hasn’t worked in over two, leaving her with no child support for her three young children. She’s struggled to keep up with the house payments and been in danger of foreclosure for months, this despite working two jobs. She’s been coming to … Continue reading
Fixated. On oddities. From time to time, strange little things. I face them head on when they come up. Then they go away. Until they rear their ugly heads again. They always do. Know what I mean? I hate my neighbor. His fat, puffy face. His awkward gait. His squeaky, incoherent way of talking. Well … Continue reading
Remember when you told me my old truck wouldn’t pull a slick prick out of a lard bucket? Well I thought about it and you’re just plain slicker than otter snot. Slicker than cat shit on linoleum. It’s so hard to deal with you. It’s like tryin to put butter up a wildcat’s ass with … Continue reading
Of all the wacky things we thought Facebook might roll out for its ninth birthday, Homeless News most coveted the replacement of the LIKE button with the YAY! button. Facebook’s been flat. The LIKE overused. We really need some pep. We’d rather click on YAY! The world’s too morose. Talks of more deal-making today sent the … Continue reading
I don’t think she looked around in a while. When I walked in I couldn’t help notice several of the pictures on the walls were cockeyed. Not level. One in the living room-that seventies looking Buddha thing she got at the schlock market in Taos several years back, when she was honored with her lifetime achievement … Continue reading
A Lady Gaga fan made fun of me, trying for under her breath, when I told the cashier in the grocery store I’m a huge Muppets fan. Now I of course have been and am a fan of many things, far and wide. This cashier giggled, as I see her often do, as I frequent … Continue reading
I know how much you love me. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here. You can spend time with me now or later. Whenever. But I can tell by the way you’re looking at me you want to right now. Yes, look at me. I don’t mind. When was the last time … Continue reading
I had a dream about you last night. That’s not unusual. I’ve told you about those times when I’ve dreamt of you in the past- the odd plot lines or humorous circumstances where your face has shown up or your presence was made known. Funny how in life it seems about anyone or anything can … Continue reading
I have terrible earworm. You remember they talked about that on the radio last week? That’s when something pops into your brain like a hit song from years ago that you haven’t heard in like forever and you can’t get it off your mind. The guy on the radio used the example for him of … Continue reading
The man walked into the convention hall, his first trade show, and was excited. The vendors were mostly educators and up and coming authors and illustrators, and although not the man’s stock-in-trade directly, he looked forward to fun and hoped to learn something along the way. Public education wasn’t all bad. The booth for the … Continue reading
Hey, I thought about you and it was quiet and measured and a nice harkening back. I thought about you and feel in my heart I can forgive you. I wish I could’ve sooner. I just need you to know. Back then, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t. I know it took … Continue reading
She said, “You’re a nice person and I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” He heard, “You’re spineless and I’m glad to be rid of you. You’re indecisive and so mealy-mouthed I’m surprised you can get out of the bed in the morning!” The waiter arrived with … Continue reading
“That shit ain’t gonna burn. You can’t use that kind of wood in the fireplace, it’s too sappy, don’t ya know that?” I was sitting on the hearth feeding the fire, while he stood behind me, speaking over my shoulder. “Actually that’s a fallacy,” I said. “A falla who?” “It’s often said that pine and … Continue reading
Have you had the kind of dream where you’re sure that it’s real? When you’re in it you don’t question, but embrace it, though it’s jumbled? And it’s hodgepodge and murky and makes no sense whatsoever? And when you wake up you’re like “what the hell?” Have you had that kind of dream? Of course you have. Well … Continue reading
I opened the front door and made way down the steps to a sunny and brisk morning. Oh, fall was in the air for sure, as kids ran past me on their way to school and people hurried to wherever it is that they go. The storefronts were opening and the neighborhood was waking up … Continue reading
“What’s with you? You’re so scatterbrained sometimes, your head’s in the clouds. You go on and on and say nothing and you know I have people to answer to! And now I have a pounding headache! Everyone was waiting for you tonight, did you consider that? And they were all decked out in their Sunday … Continue reading
For the sake of gentrification we’ll use public money to raze that block of eyesore businesses and put up a brand spanking new Marriott Hotel! We’re flush with cash now that we’re off the hook on those pesky pensions. The Marriott will bring in more tourists and clean things up and get rid of most … Continue reading
“Yeh so that’s what she said I’m tellin ya,” she said to me. “She said that Margie hasn’t been warm down there for a while if you know what I mean. I’m skeptical though, she’s never said anything to me. But when did he ever treat her nice anyway, I mean really? It’s been years … Continue reading
Her fear and frustration just plain SUCKED the life out of her! She could no longer cope, and only could mope, and the feelings just left her physically and emotionally depleted. Her mind and her body had aged and deteriorated. Along with any abilities she once had. Loss of capacity no doubt. You’d be this … Continue reading
“Yeh but it’s been like weeks and weeks,” he said in an impatient but measured tone, as Tim backed out of the parking lot at the Dairy Queen. “It’s not like you to fall off the face of the earth that way Tim, I mean not in all the years I’ve known you. Not you … Continue reading
He finally left and she laid still in the bed. The goings-on of last night left her with a restless and unfitful sleep. Not restorative. When he sat in the kitchen with his morning coffee, she kept her eyes closed, pretending she wasn’t awake, She didn’t want to have to look at him, look him … Continue reading
“Gramps, it told me that if the leaves are curling up, then it’s something they call tomato leaf curl virus.” “Who told you that?” “The internet.” “Ohht the internet, hmm,” scratching chin. “So what else did this internet tell you?” “It told me it could be too much sun, or not enough sun, or too much water, … Continue reading
“I love spicy food, I can’t help it. It’s fun and exciting to eat, don’t you think so? I can’t get enough of it.” “Well, I don’t really eat it much. It doesn’t agree with me if you know what I mean.” Pause. “No, what do you mean?” “Reeks havoc with my bottom is what … Continue reading
It had to be three or four in the morning when he heard it. SMASH!!! Well, he didn’t really hear it, more like felt it. It jolted his psyche enough not only to wake him up from a very deep sleep, but to make him immediately sit straight up in his bed. He sat there … Continue reading
Pete Armetta 