This morning at dusk while outside watering her prize heirloom roses, Mrs. Sullivan reports walking into a cloud of bats. Did you know that’s what it’s called, a cloud? We here at Homeless News had to look it up. She says she innocently turned a corner and a single bat swooped low in front of her. She stopped short and looked straight up to a colony (yes colony), of maybe ten or so scurrying about in the morning sky and then dive bombing her feet in a “precise kind of unison” is how she put it. She’d never “seen anything quite like it in all my days” is what she said. The bats were flying out of the roof of the movie theater across the street and coming so close she had to duck and take cover. She stood in a semi-crouched position and shielded her face in case she got in one’s way. And watched quietly.

Mrs. Sullivan estimates it took all of a minute and they were done.

That’s some news.

Fairview weather: It was extra soupy yesterday though not really a heat wave but that was the big news of the day. Well that was the number one story on cable and the networks repeatedly ran what we suspect is stock footage of “inner city kids running through fire hydrant on the street”. And with New York City being up at a hundred degrees and all the Do The Right Thing that goes along with that (look up Spike Lee reference if you care), and other places that are usually hotter than hell reporting they were even hotter than their previous hell, tongues wagged on the subject.

Not here though.

Here it was ninety-twoish. Homeless News is happy to report that’s exactly what it’s SUPPOSED to be, plus or minus the thickness of the soup. Last year at this time we already had a few hundred plus days. That was news! So far this year we’re only wet and thick. Later, in our “homeless-man-on-the-street” segment, we’ll talk to Big Mike. We caught up with him over in old Mrs. Wilson’s yard. He said it was so hot yesterday he went through five t-shirts! He’d been mowing grass and trimming bushes and digging holes for the lady, and digging up plants and moving them into said holes for her and soaking everything with the hose, and we caught him covered in a thick paste of dirt, caked grass and a pouring down sweat, which wasn’t helped (well was) by the endless water drunk and watermelon eaten (provided kindly by Mrs. Wilson) to help keep him cool.

Five t-shirts.

But it’s summer. Thirty days in with another sixty or so to go there’s nothing in the world that could tell us here at HN that anything oughta be any different. How does one define “news” anyway- as something new right? There’s nothing new here.

Oh, something about a Pippa.

In today’s “day-in-the-life” segment, where we spotlight those making difference, Homeless News goes one-on-one with that hip Rabbi Schoenfeld. He’ll share how he drove through the construction down over on Grove yesterday, you know, where they’re putting up those horrid cookie-cutter condominiums one on top of each other? And bringing in more out-of-state Tom, Dick and Sallies to clog up our already overstressed roads? As he tells the story, the windows were down in the car and the air conditioning was blasting and the radio blared Sugar Ray’s Someday, the way he says he hopes it does “every summer til the day I die.” That song GROOVES is what he said but what happened was a swarm of SOMETHING began nibbling on his ankles, he being of the pants and sandal set. Mosquitos on a mission? He couldn’t tell. Both ankles! It “triggered all sorts of bad memories” is how he put it and “terrorized” him. He reached down to scratch and shoo while crying out to God for some relief and doing his best to concentrate on the road, while those depressing new buildings passed him by “all in a blur.” This all only got him singing louder.

A day in the life.

It’s worth mentioning that we here at Homeless News do love that old Sugar Ray song in a Pop Music Will Always Rule kind of way. We’ve been playing it in the studio ever since our encounter with the Rabbi.

That’s some news. Both the swarm and the song!

This just off the wires: They crowned a new king in Belgium and Obama is refocusing on the economy. Atheists have created a church where there’s no actual praying which has a southern town in an uproar and an investigation’s been launched into the death of a young woman on the fourteen-story Texas Giant rollercoaster. The one down there at Six Flags. A spokeswoman for the park said they’re “committed to determining exactly what happened”.

That’s news? We’re talking the loss of a  woman’s life here, God rest her soul. Mother of God, who wouldn’t be committed to determining exactly what happened?

More after the break. Oh, thanks to all who helped make the Homeless News Spring Pledge Drive such a success.  And remember to friend us on Facebook. If it’s news, we tell ya.


10 thoughts on “MORE HOMELESS NEWS

  1. I feel like I’ve been cued for comment on the opening paragraph but I’ll resist the temptation of speculating which movie the bats were exiting from. And Pippa has just stormed off to the shower grumbling about being “airbrushed out of the news” – thanks for nothing Pete, other people look forward to a Sunday lie-in too yunno.

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