Tagged with humor

DIE

DIE

all there is left to do is die take me as i am i’ve done all i can all there is left to do is go i’m not complaining you see? but it is up to me i’ve done all i can what i wanted to what i needed to no regret or remorse let … Continue reading

THERE IS NO CURE

THERE IS NO CURE

Jacob sat in the doctor’s office waiting. He was filled with worry and fed up. His symptoms had only worsened and been keeping him up at night too. When he called on Tuesday for an appointment and they told him the earliest the doctor could see him was Friday, he knew he was in for a … Continue reading

CHECKOUT LINE

CHECKOUT LINE

“You use humor as a defense mechanism,” she said. “No, actually I use it offensively.” The cashier asked for and scanned his Shrewd Shopper Discount Card. “The pizza’s two-for-one Sir.” “How so?” She was caught off-guard, eyebrows raised, hands on hips. “Well, you tell me. Who here’s on defense?”

BUZZ KILL

BUZZ KILL

Fixated. On oddities. From time to time, strange little things. I face them head on when they come up. Then they go away. Until they rear their ugly heads again.  They always do. Know what I mean? I hate my neighbor. His fat, puffy face. His awkward gait. His squeaky, incoherent way of talking. Well … Continue reading

NICENESS AND SMILES ALL AROUND

NICENESS AND SMILES ALL AROUND

The other day I was on my way to a friend’s. I was driving down the road minding my own business and somebody honked at me. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, unless you call enjoying the majestic mountain views a crime, and to be honest there were a lot of cars on this four-lane divided highway. … Continue reading

ACME PLUMBLING

ACME PLUMBLING

Are you having plumbing problems? Acme’ll send a guy over to root and unclog your pipes. We’ll remove all obstructions and free you up good as new. When’s the last time you had them cleaned out? Feels like forever huh? I’m sure they could use it. Has your well run bone dry? Acme’ll send a … Continue reading

BEING JOLLY

BEING JOLLY

i’ve had enough of fa-la-la-ing decking halls and ha-ha-ha-ing tissing seasons being jolly trimming trees and boughs of holly eggnog, cookies cakes galore enough to make me hurl and more tell santa i’ve been good i swear i really hope that he’ll be fair so strike the harp by gosh by golly i’ve had enough … Continue reading

GOTTA HAVE A TWIST

GOTTA HAVE A TWIST

Hollywood is exciting to say the least. I finally heard from that Executive Producer. He called asking for script changes and for me to do some rewrites right quick. I didn’t mind that he called, of course. They told me he’d call.  Besides, everyone seemed to really like the story so I was looking forward to … Continue reading

I’LL SLEEP WHEN I’M DEAD

I’LL SLEEP WHEN I’M DEAD

mystery or certainty are not what they’re cracked up to be the first is fun but then you wonder gotta know what makes the thunder the second sure it’s good to have security no worries too but so blasé to know the way when yesterday was like today what good is it to be so … Continue reading