NOTE TO SELF

I’m being mean to my cat. I don’t mean to be mean to him and it’s so out of character for me, but he’s whining all the time and the sound of his voice is making me literally climb up the wall.

Well not really literally.

My health insurance (or lack thereof) has forced me to change from my “indigent” full-service hospital care (with very low premiums) to the local free clinic. Now that wouldn’t be a big deal to most however I actually built up a relationship of sorts and have been very proactive with the full-service hospital team over the last year. For better or worse we have a history and they know me. Last night I had my first appointment with what I quickly learned is the impersonal and hit-or-miss free clinic. Because I have ongoing health issues that I’ve worked way too hard to “resolve”, it’s disheartening.

You get what you pay for right?

I’ve moved on except for my poor cat. Every time he meows he hits my last nerve, so I’ve been behaving passive aggressively and ignoring him and only clapping my hands loudly to try and shut him the hell up. Seriously. I know he wants food, doesn’t he know that I know? I know he wants to go outside so why ask me? Doesn’t he know we’ve been doing this for years and I’m totally with the program? He and I were sitting outside in the sun the other day and out of nowhere came the neighbor’s big dogs, who chased him into the woods and he wound up halfway up a big old pine tree. My neighbor casually came running by with their leashes in his hand and all I could muster was “Glad you’ve got those leashes”. Well needless to say I had to get him out of the tree (without the neighbor) and of course he picked a tall tree with no lower branches and I got myself all scraped up before I finally got him down. It was a real rigmarole.

And here I am withholding the love.

I guess he’s an easy target. I do know it’s me and I’m being childish and unreasonable. As if I’ll get some return for my testy attitude. Or he’ll do something different and is still “trainable” at nine years old. He’s set in his ways just like I am. And because I’m frustrated and feel like I can’t impact positive change in certain areas of my life, I look at him and he makes me cringe.

Yesterday I was disappointed in myself, and it made me mean. But today I’m over it.

We try really hard and so often don’t succeed. We keep trudging down the road out of breath and on edge- and too often without the desired results. Do you ever get frustrated about such things?

Today it’s sunny and yesterday was gloomy. And that on top of everything else affected my mood. But today the skip is back in my step. Well more of a skip anyway. On days like yesterday it’d probably be best if I just stayed in bed, eating bon bons and watching TV and allowing my world to be quiet. But that’s never really been my style, and besides, I don’t like bon bons. And there’s always tomorrow right? Or is there? For this I keep trudging and trudging and apparently trying to accomplish all the important things I need to, all in one day.

Too often I think I’m Superman.

I just don’t want to accept a fait accompli, you know what I mean? Oh Lord, did I actually just use that in a sentence? I hardly know what I mean myself!

But we oughtn’t fret over things we can’t change and should simply work on the things we can is what I’m thinking.

Note to self.

My cat’s been with me longer than most people. I think I’ll be nice to him.

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25 thoughts on “NOTE TO SELF

  1. You should totally be nice to your cat. He didn’t do anything to you. Instead try to place back your frustration with the people who caused it.

    I really respect your for opening up on your awesome blog. Stay strong!

    • Oh yeh no we’re fine. He was just getting on my nerves haha my only frustration is with me. Nothing comes from lashing out at any one or any thing. Thanks big man, hope you’re doing well, you’ve been missed! πŸ™‚

      • Yeah, I’ve been battling some demons of my own the past week. It’s been heavy. Thankfully I have a wonderful wife and some amazing blogging friends that help me through it.

        By putting the frustration back I don’t mean lashing out at anyone. A simple conversation with someone who is causing your frustration can help you get a weight of your shoulders.

        Why are you frustrated with yourself?

      • Huh? I’m good I’m not frustrated with myself (at the moment) haha And no one in particular “caused” anything necessarily. Just the ups and downs of life. One thing I excel in is simple and direct and diplomatic communication. When things go wrong with people I don’t have any prob whatsoever in speaking my peace. πŸ™‚ Sorry about your demons and glad that you feel you’re getting support and moving forward bud.

  2. First, your cat is beautiful and Im sure he loves you and in his own kitty-kat way he forgives you too:) I love my cats with all my heart but over the past two days I have had nerve pain from hell and when one of them asked for a second helping of foodI told her to F–k the hell off. I didn’t mean it and she got her second helping albeit begrudgingly and a touch aggressively too.

    I relate to every bit of this post, every single bit of it. And I dont want to accept a fait a thingy either, lol πŸ™‚

    Really enjoyed rhis one – as ever πŸ™‚

    Christine

    • Thanks yes I love my cat but what do they say about taking things out on who you love most? (or something). I appreciate you relating and reading. I wasn’t even gonna post this as it’s like mindless rambling haha but I figured what the hell! πŸ™‚

  3. We all have these kind of days. I only survive by the fact that my cats don’t understand English. Unfortunately, my child does now. In the words of Henri (great video!), c’est la vie. We live to fight another day!

  4. With your Community, I’m glad you posted this “Note to Self”, &, am grateful for the Honesty with which you communicate. 

    ________________________________

  5. Oh, Pete, your cat looks just like one I had (many eons ago). My kitty’s name was Smokey and he died young, at age seven. What is your cat’s name?

    I can relate to the day you had, and completely understand. Glad you can “talk” it out with this blog.

    Sheesh, really? Your neighbor can’t keep the dogs on a leash? BTW, you showed that you weren’t really being mean to your cat by getting all scratched up to get him out of the tree.

    I had a cat (a different one than Smokey, a tuxedo named Sneakers) that was really nasty. Seriously, you took your life in your hands if you reached out to pet her “precious little face.” Her meowing used to get on my nerves sometimes too. Sometimes it sounded like she was suffering the way she howled. I asked the vet about it and she said sometimes they just like to be vocal. Who knows. I’m sticking with dogs these day. πŸ˜‰

    • His name’s Surly. πŸ™‚ That’s the name I got him with and didn’t have the heart to change it, plus it was from a good friend so didn’t want to change it! πŸ™‚ No I wasn’t being mean when I got him out of the tree, my point was just that he’s a poor, helpless creature and I’m being pissy with him haha I love him, we just spend too much time together I think!

      • Surly knows you by now, and knows when you’re in a pissy mood. He loves you for you. I think our poor, helpless creatures understand us better than we realize. They also forget about our pissy moods way sooner than any human would. πŸ˜‰

  6. I wonder if it is something cosmic at play because here I am with an 11 year old cat that normally comes in eats, sleeps and goes back out again with mininimal fuss who this last two weeks is mewing at everything. Nothing is good enough for her she actually sits next to the full food bowl yowling at it instead of just getting stuck in. And she is actually demanding attention and strokes this from a cat who has spent 11 years puncturing my hands, arms and various other body parts with teeth aand claws. I suspect greater forces at play here!!!!

    • Holy crap that’s exactly what’s happening! All of a sudden totally high maintenance, and for years just did his own thing and totally self sufficient and agreeable. It must be cause 12/12/12 is coming and it truly IS the end of the world! πŸ™‚

      • I wonder if the Mayans had cats? Maybe the cats know something we don’t after all the egyptians worshipped them – maybe if we obey the cat in all its whims and wait on it as they are demanding we will be saved?

  7. I think we should just do what feels right. The whole, change what we can and don’t worry about what we can’t…. I don’t know, I get it I guess, but sometimes I fear that we’re all living in a Hallmark card, or a Precious Moments plaque. I think you are Pete Armetta, and the only one at that, so there really isn’t changing, there’s just renegotiating. Change happens on it’s own. Buy into yourself. You’ve got to be worth a mint… and chances are… you’ll get some change back… the kind that jiggles around in your pocket.

    All cats know the truth. That’s why I don’t have one. : )

    • Well we ought to be thoughtful about what we can’t change, but sure the hell not beat ourselves up over it! Believe me, I definitely am not living in a hallmark card haha I wish! (well not really). I must say you really did wind up sounding like a greeting card there in the end, that whole “buy in, worth a mint, change back, jiggle thing” πŸ™‚

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