NOT MUCH ANYMORE

It’s beautiful outside
But I can’t see it
The world has opportunity
But I don’t know it
All I know are these four walls
And the inside of my head
Not much beyond here
Not much
Anymore

I used to see beauty
And eat up opportunity
But that was before
And another person
A person who had the strength
Now I just sit here
Behind my drawn shades
Wishing time would hurry up
Get me closer to the end

If I could walk through the public square
Crying I’d be happy
As that’s what I’d like to do
Be able to cry and to wail and to
Beat my own chest
Because of all that has happened
And where I’ve wound up
And who I’ve become
That all makes me cry

I wouldn’t do it of course
But it’s not because I’m concerned
With what other people may think
It’s because I know it won’t do any good
Things are way beyond that now
Cause when you can’t get up off the floor
There’s really isn’t much you can do
Not much
Anymore

My bird feeder’s empty
It’s been empty for weeks now
The thought of getting the seed out of the cabinet
And walking outside and over to fill it up
Is way beyond my capacity
That’s one of those things I did when I was happy
When I could see how beautiful it was outside
And how much opportunity the world had in store for me
And I didn’t think about this life too much.

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7 thoughts on “NOT MUCH ANYMORE

  1. Did you ever see the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Debra sets aside time to cry? One of my favorites. I do that, and I give myself a limit, until the next time I need to set time aside. (They created Debra after me. I’m even her size.) This is a melancholy poem, but it’s relate-able to those of us who’ve been there. Hope you are staying healthy.

      • We all have those days. You aren’t alone, and I send you my warmest wishes. As far as Debra goes, I even call my mother-in-law Marie (to her face), and that’s not her name, but she is an exact replica. Thank God she doesn’t live across the street. 😉 I thought a little Raymond reminder might make you smile. It makes me smile when I’m down. In fact, I have a bunch DVR’d to watch on a “down” day.

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