BUBBA GETS HIS BALLS ICED

Bubba was in extreme pain. He told me the only choice he had at the time was to get his balls iced. That, or go to the doctor. His wife Charlotte tried to convince him he oughta go. She tried to put her generally persuasive disposition into motion. Bubba had pain in his legs all the way down to his ankles. He said he was in too much pain to walk and that it felt like a knife was being plunged up and down and twisted around in his balls. The agony was too much for him to bear.

“That’s what it says here on the internet Bubba. You gotta lay down and put ice on your balls. That’ll stop the pain right quick is what it says.”

“Hell no, I ain’t gonna ice my balls!  What are you kidding me?!”

Bubba lay back on the sofa, half-naked, with a pillow behind his head and his legs sprawled up on the back.  His balls were exposed and all tightened up, looking like two little acorns. He was moaning and staring at Charlotte with a big, suffering and very concerned face. His panting made it difficult for him to talk.

“Well for chrissakes you gotta go to the doctor then Bubba!”

Charlotte looked at him and shook her head. She knew damn well there was no way Bubba’d do that. Bubba and doctors never did get on well. He hadn’t been to one in God only knows how long.

“I’m gonna get an icepack then,” she said, heading into the kitchen. “Hell, I’ll do it for you Bubba. That’s what it says you’re supposed to do. We gotta do something.”

“Noooooo.”

Bubba lay there with a scowl on his face. Charlotte came back into the living room, icepack in hand, and made over toward him.

“Noooooo! Get outta here!” Bubba yelled, wide-eyed and panicked, staring at her holding the icepack.

Charlotte sat at the foot of the sofa, between Bubba’s spread legs. He was muttering and wailing to himself or to her, who could tell?  Charlotte clutched the icepack with two hands and started tentatively up between his knees, then slowly made way to his balls.

She placed the icepack down and pressed gently.

“Nooooooooooooooooo!!!”

Later that afternoon Bubba did relent and he and Charlotte went to see the doctor. The doctor told them that using the icepack did the trick. There was nothing more anyone needed to do. Bubba could carry on like he did before.

 

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