I had a really boring day yesterday. This is strange because generally I don’t get bored much and do know how to keep occupied. Not as in “keeping busy” as they say, or “finding something to do” either. Generally I enjoy doing what it is that I do with my time and feeling pretty satisfied.
But yesterday was really boring.
I’m moving this week and it can’t come soon enough. I’ve been ready, with “bells on” sort of thing for quite a while, and am excited and looking forward to not only the actual act of moving, but starting over again in a new place: new scenery, new neighbors and the whole “newness” of things. A newness to life. I was on track to be at my new address today. So yesterday I was hustling around in the morning and getting things done, packed, cleaned etc., then found out it won’t actually be until tomorrow. Silly logistics really. So I got a bit stuck in my path and have only more waiting to do.
And here I sit.
Now you’d think a person wouldn’t mind just waiting another day or two right? Well I don’t necessarily MIND it, nor am I being childish or not accepting my circumstances- I’m impatient is what it is. And ready for fun! And ready to slam the door on the last year (long story) for sure. Hence the most boring day of my life. More lying in wait and being fussy and feeling like I was just wasting my time away waiting, waiting, waiting.
I’ve been in a posture of waiting on quite a FEW things, for quite some time now.
So it’s 3AM here and there’s another long day ahead with more of the same. Until tomorrow of course. There’s lots else I could be doing other than lollygagging around of course. Yesterday was Memorial Day which is one of my favorite holidays. Not only to honor our fallen troops which I’m totally in sync with, but because it’s the unofficial start to summer, and the late May weather is quite agreeable. The pool here just opened and the river beckoned. And I didn’t want to have anything to do with any of it- had not one iota of enthusiasm. It was hot as hell, so it would’ve been nice to take a dip no doubt. Or eat some hamburgers or other picnicky food. But I was having none of it.
I enjoyed being fussy and bored apparently.
I have no interest in being bored today. Even if I’m still in the waiting mode. I’ve been without internet access for almost two weeks now. At first I thought of this as an interesting challenge, but did wean off of it nicely (especially considering I’d learned to be online almost 24/7). During this time I’ve become a regular of sorts at Starbucks and a couple of other like places that have wireless access. The total upside is the sense of community that comes when you walk into Starbucks and the barista-dude gets my big iced green tea ready for me, without asking. And the same early birds show up. It’s kind of cool. Isolation kiills in my opinion, so nice to get out regullarly. The internet surely is a way to alleviate boredom to a certain end, but for me it’s where I do my work. At least it’s a place “to go”. I am over the feeling that there are things happening online that I should be aware of. I’ll be back online like usual in a couple of days. Again, more waiting.
In the scheme of things I’m in a much better position than I was a year ago at this time. And I’m not used to it yet. Things are certainly different now, like a coming out the wormhole, and it’s amazing that I survived it all I’d say. I’m not being melodramatic (and am being too self-revelatory for comfort), but even though I don’t work full time (except for writing of course), I do have a full life. Sometimes I do wonder if I really want a “fresh start”, the newness. I’ve had it many, many times before, never settling into the same old same old, always embracing change, wanting it, and absolutely getting what I’ve wished for.
Often the only new place I want to go is to heaven.
But it’ll be a while for that. I really do want to go to heaven. For this I have no fear of dying. And never have any fear of changing the subject (insert laughter here please). But I do feel there’s nothing wrong with having strong feelings about this. And I’m certainly resigned to wait in this case. I’ve been thoughtful lately about the fact that even though it’s quite hectic, I do thrive and do well at change.
So heaven will be a really big change that I’m looking forward to embracing, when the time is right of course. But in the meantime I’m going to attempt to “keep busy” today, and tomorrow get in my groove and enjoy getting my keys!
POSTSCRIPT: It’s now almost evening, I’ve had a great day, mostly outdoors, and I’m moving tomorrow. That’s good. I just ate a very nice late lunch: a caesar salad with rare flank steak and crumbled blue cheese dressing, with some red wine vinegar. And a nice hunk of Key Lime Pie: NOT BORING.