Like when I was smaller, much younger. I would close my eyes while staring into the sun. I’d get amusement and something akin to inspiration, just by closing my eyes and looking as far ahead as I could; by squeezing them shut. All yellow and white and red and glaring. It made me giggle. And it quieted my mind and took me to a different place; that otherworldly place- that place down deep in my soul.
As an adult it’s not as easy as it was back then. Do you think it’s the accumulation of the years? My mind now gets harried with multitudes of distractions. And they’re distractions and convictions which are all welling up from inside of me, mind you. When I’m at church and we have periods of meditative silence, I close my eyes and stare; I push myself down and I shut myself up and pretend that I’m staring into the sun. I squeeze my eyes shut and look as far ahead as I can. I harken back to the child. This is an escape and a respite for me.
And something I want to do more of.
When staring into the sun I need nothing. It’s there that I’m hopeful, where peace just comes easy- but it’s fleeting and temporary.
While walking in the woods on a lay-about day with nowhere particular to be, I often get this same staring into the sun. My eyes aren’t closed and perhaps it’s not sunny, but to take in all of the natural beauty and to hear only the deafening silence with just my path underfoot and the real sounds of nature, quiets my minds and brings me to that place. A lasting stare far off into the horizon makes me invisible and insignificant and small; but not alone. I guess some would call this worship of God; a communion with reality and with rightness. Others would say it’s a cockamamie nature boy, new-agey and irrational kind of thing.
No matter. It simply affirms who I am: the real me.
The bustle, the conflict, the strife in this world. It’s so easily internalized, and not what we are. We’re the quiet one, the childish one, the one who’s at peace. The one who gets giggles when closing our eyes.
The one who likes staring into the sun.